Dear Baby,

originally written 11/25/12

I've known about you for three days now and my love for you continues to grow each day. I am so nervous that I'm going to have to give you to Heaven like your brothers and sisters, long before I'm ready, but I'm trying to trust in God's plan and rest in the fact that this very moment, you're growing inside of me and that I love you very, very much.

I have big hopes for our future together, sweet baby. Hopes that I'll get to feel you kicking away. Hopes that one hot day in August, I'll get to kiss your tiny nose and hold onto your fingers. Hopes that I'll get to nurse you and stare at your precious profile like I did with your big brother. Hopes that Will will get to hold you and bring me diapers to change you and kiss you and love you. He will be an amazing big brother...you are lucky to have him. I have hopes that I'll get to take you to Sea World with Will next year, all snuggled up and cozy on my chest. Simple hopes, but wondrous hopes.

I am praying for you, baby. Praying that God would knit you together in my womb perfectly and that His mighty hands would make you strong and healthy and a fighter. I'm praying that you will find salvation from an early age and that you will chase passionately after God. I pray that God will give me the gift of you, that you will get to take your first breaths on Earth and not in Heaven. I'm selfish, I know. But I want you so, so badly. I yearn for you; the thought of not getting to take you home makes me ache. So please, baby...GROW. Snuggle in deep, draw strength from me, and grow. Tomorrow I go for my first blood draw at the doctor's office and I'm nervous. But God is good and mighty and strong and he is merciful and loves you, loves me, loves Daddy, loves Will. I trust him to give me peace and to help you grow.

Sweet baby, my lucky baby, I love you. So very much. I can't wait to meet you in August.

Love,
Mommy